Saturday, March 28, 2009

In the Future

Technology is changing our lives, and as a futurist it is my job to prepare you not just to deal with upcoming changes but to lead them. What trends will continue and grow, and which are passing fads? How can you separate the revolutionary from the flashy? Taking advantage of the latest developments in causal layered analysis, scenario planning, and technology forecasting, I give you the world of tomorrow, today:


Wikipedia-bots will teach our children all they need to know about history, biology, and cancelled TV shows.


Our phones will be able to cast worried glances as we use them to order another pizza.


Our cars will park themselves and mock us for thinking that walking across the entire parking lot will actually improve our health.


There will be no newspapers and we will only read celebrity infotainment, but reality TV and social media will make everyone a celebrity, leading us to be more informed about our world than ever before.


E-book readers will get bored with books at the same pace we do and settle for giving a brief synopsis.


Virtual reality will fulfill all our sexual fantasies only to point out the unfulfilled emotional need at the root of each one.


Robotic pets will achieve such realism that they will be difficult to housetrain and sporadically attack loved ones.


Online banking will monitor our finances closely enough to casually allude to last weekend's bar tab.


Alarms on coffee pots will suggest that maybe we should just get more sleep.


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